Grow the tree, don't burn the fire.

 A few years ago, I attended one semester at BYU-Idaho. Before I even got there I wanted to leave but there was one class that I know I needed to take there that I would not find anywhere else. This was Education 200.

By the sounds of it, every single education major would take this class no matter where you were attending school. However, the book we used for the class was "Increase in Learning" by David A Bednar. The main premises of the course were based on spiritual principles and place them into a "secular" learning space like public school. The course's final principle was taught in the last half of the semester but it didn't really click for me till the last two weeks or so. 

People talk about passion using phrases like "She's on fire!" or refer to people "exploding with excitement" because of how progressive a person can be in their work. But! There is an issue to being on fire all the time, because eventually you can "burn out." To avoid burning out, and eventually running out of resources, we should seek to build more resources. In other words, plant seeds and nourish the plants to become newer resources for yourself in the future. In theory, this is supposed to help your students become life long learners because they aren't just excited about their learning but making genuine habits to steadily progress and it takes learning to naturally progress. 

If you are applying these concepts to your own life, you too are able to alter one time opportunities into life changing experiences and develop skill sets that help your life improve.

But recently, I have been tired. There were so many good things that came to my life in 2020. I lived with loved ones comfortably in a home, and through that realized I wanted a family of my own. While preparing for my own family, I met someone who desires a similar lifestyle and we fell in love. I got my first job after graduating university and bought a new car. I mean, my life has had so many different blessings among the chaos of 2020. But I've caught myself being exhausted a lot lately and I am worried that I am becoming burnt out.

Is it possible that I haven't had enough time to focus on me throughout this year? Is it possible that I am letting myself down spiritually and feel exhausted from that? Is it possible that I'm wearing down because my life has been a go-go-go for so many years? Or is this virtual lifestyle just getting to me?

Well, I think that I am still growing my tree, and even nourishing it too. I believe that while being home I have learned a lot of skills and habits that I want to keep in my life forever. But the truth is, changing takes so much work that I think I am getting pruned. Self care is important, and that's something that looks really different now that I live with a bunch of littles in the house, but that doesn't mean I don't have "me" moments. I don't feel that I have been let down spiritually, in fact it's kind of the opposite. Through this new lifestyle I have has to rely on the Lord a lot to learn and act on His will. This has helped me understand Heavenly Father's guidance and plan a little better than a naive college girl. Life has definitely been go-go-go for many years but if there is anything this pandemic taught me is that it will never really slow down no matter what kind of challenges are thrown at us so smile and be patient but also seek to learn from your experiences! The virtual lifestyle is quite frankly exhausting but it's the direction this world is heading in so this is probably a good practice time for me to be more comfortable in the future. 

I think this year has just been a pruning year. I sat in the middle of a church conference tonight, thinking to myself that I am so exhausted. It worried me to be tired, I am scared of burning out. But I think that my tree is just growing instead, and soon I will have a season to see where this growth has taken me instead of being tired. It will be good. I am excited to see what is in store. I'm going to keep trying to grow my tree, because somehow there is peace in the exhaustion.