Night Time Studies

Holy moly it has been a long time since I posted in here! I have written a couple drafts and then deleted them because I didn't like how they all turned out. Well, now I am trying it out again. Hopefully this time doesn't include writing an entire post and then deleting it just before going live.

The other night, Justin and I were reading in 1st Nephi, a book from the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is a set of scriptures that were recorded in the Americas while the 12 apostles were writing what makes up the New Testament in the Bible in Jerusalem. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I read both sets of scripture.

Justin and I were reading chapter 2 and chapter 5. These readings were a couple days apart but I noticed some things that I thought I should probably share.

1 Nephi 2:12 (chapter 2, verse 12) reads "And thus Laman and Lemual, being the eldest, did murmur against their father. And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them." I see a lot of myself in them, Laman and Lemuel are basically like the rest of us unless we're explicitly trying to express faith or be better humans. But when we're not actively looking to do those things to be a better person, we complain, we gossip, we brag, we get confused when we don't understand something (like their dad moving them out of Jerusalem and into a whole new foreign land, I could totally see how that would seem sketch and I would likely also complain in a similar situation...) and then we turn that confusion into anger. These two are good examples of how quickly we can fall to the ways of the world, and what tremendous effects it can have on generations to come. 

We read this scripture while lying in bed, about to fall asleep. This is when we read as a family each night, just before bed, after we've said a prayer together. So with all of the day's exhaustion catching up to me, I had the thought above, and then felt like I needed a call to action. I wrote this as a note in our studies that night: "So please, have patience, give grace, seek understanding, and seek to give the benefit of the doubt. Choose to see the best in people. Desire positive faith." It must have been 10:30 or 11:00pm and this is what I felt inspired to write, so you know it was from the spirit and not my own brain because my brain would have not been able to come up with something like this right before my eyes shut to fall asleep. 

A few days later, the verse in 1 Nephi 5:8 struck me differently than it had in the past. This verse reads, "And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak." The she in they scripture is Sariah, the mother of Laman and Lemuel read about above, she also had two other sons at the time named Sam and Nephi. Sariah was also having a hard time with accepting her husband's inspiration from the Lord to move. But she went, she really tried to exercise her faith even though she was unsure about all the changes that their family would have to make.

Thinking about the verse with context of Sariah's situation at the time, I think it is also important to recognize that knowing something is different than having faith. It wasn't till after Sariah expressed her faith (even though she had her doubts) that she was able to "know of a surety," and this is what strengthened her testimony. It wasn't blind faith as much as hoping for the best, till her doubts got the better of her and she started to share her anxieties and let her frustrations change her behavior. 

All of a sudden, while reading this verse (for probably the 100th time in my life) I felt like I could see where all of her actions were coming from. I also "murmur" or gossip when I am feeling anxious, I pray a lot when I start to doubt the path I am on because I need some help from the Almighty God to be sure I am doing the right thing, but that doesn't mean I don't have doubts or concerns after that! You really do just keep pushing through till you gain the actual knowledge of the plan or purpose that Heavenly Father is leading you toward. I imagine that Sariah only murmured because of her own doubts in her faith related to her husband as a prophet. Her doubts could have led to something further, but instead she chose to recognize that the lord did in fact have a plan and that she and her family would be protected as they followed the prophet. 

This wasn't necessarily a big moment in my life where I felt like "Wow, I am changed because of this thing I experienced." But it was something that I think helped my testimony, being able to relate to the people in the scriptures really helps be connect to their stories shared and strengthen my faith in Christ and my purpose on earth. I know that this church is true, and I know that the Book of Mormon and other scriptures are tools that Christ put on earth to help us find Him and to strengthen us. I know my Savior lives!